jacqueline & maixent
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Posted: Aug 23 2015, 02:01 AM
Lance is probably one of the most egotistical creatures in all of Wonderland, and that says a lot. In spite of loving himself too much, he manages to devote himself completely to the Queen-who he considers to be the woman he loves most in the world.
This space is for me to post all the little things of his that run through my head, that would otherwise occupy the entire board if I let him. This will include monologues, AU oneshots, his thoughts on his friends, complaints about work, and anything else that doesn't belong in a thread.
Posted: Aug 23 2015, 02:05 AM
My friend has a few "Eternal Truths" that he lives by. The sun will rise and set, there is no life without purpose, and I will always be a thorn in his side whether he likes it or not. I like these truths. Back in the old days I wouldn't have been so confident on that first one- you know how Wonderland was back then. But for the modern realm, I think they're good things to live by.
His stance on life is one I have trouble wrapping my head around sometimes. I'm not sure if it means that every life has a purpose, or that without having a purpose of your own there's no reason to live. I'm more inclined to believe he means the second one, given his role as an executioner. I don't know how well he'd be able to live with himself if he thought everyone he killed had a true purpose in life....
But I definitely agree with both sentiments. For me, I avoid killing if I can. War is one thing, but I could never play the role he plays. And as for having a purpose of my own, I'd be lost without Queen Jacqueline. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I were relieved of duty. I'm too devoted to her to do anything else. Even if she stripped me of my title as her knight I would throw myself at her feet and beg to be her servant. But that's just how I am. I don't know if Achilles would feel the same... probably.
I've always admired Sir Achilles. Even back in the reign of our former 'Mad Queen'. He was always so strong, he IS strong. I've never seen a better infantry soldier on the battlefield. And, like I said, I could never be an executioner. I wonder sometimes if that title weighs on him. I don't have the courage to ask, for fear of pulling up some bad memory or hitting some nerve.
I know he sometimes believes he doesn't have a heart. That might be how he deals with all the things he's done. I don't blame him. But I know he's wrong. I've seen how he cares about Guinevere, I've seen how loyal he is to the queen, and I've seen him become passionately enraged when a Card screws up an order he was given.
He definitely has a heart. He just hides it under that armor. He acts stiff and cold, puts on an air of not caring about anything or anyone. Especially to me, since I'm so close to him. He tries to push me away. He insults me, kicks me into the dirt, mocks me and the virtues I hold dear... But I know it's just a front. I know he doesn't really mean everything he says. After all, he says he doesn't care about honor when really he's the most honorable man I know.
He sometimes takes a stab at my pride. He likes to remind me that I swore loyalty second, or that I'm not the best knight. I know that. I know Achilles is the best knight. I just don't think he knows it when he says it. I don't think he believes it no matter how true it is. I think he just likes the rise it gets out of me.
I don't believe in soulmates, you know? Even if I read it in the stories, I can't really accept it. If soulmates were a real thing, I don't think the woman I love most in the world would have married another man. That's okay, though. I don't need to believe there is someone out there made just for me. If I'm honest, and don't tell Achilles or he'll laugh at me for it, I haven't even really been looking for anyone. I know he thinks I'm just failing at picking up any women, but I haven't been trying to. Even Guinevere. He told me to stop and I did. I don't think he knows that though. He still gets mad when I mention her.
Even if I don't believe in soulmates, I think Achilles and I are connected. Again, don't tell him I said any of this. He hates when I say stupid stuff like this. But... I think we're a matched set, him and me. We're pretty much the opposites of each other,but I think... Well, for me anyway, I know I wouldn't be as good if I didn't have him. He teaches me to be a better fighter, to be stronger. He pops my ego and reminds me of my place in the world. He gives me someone to talk to if I'm feeling overwhelmed, even if he scoffs it off and tells me to man up... I don't know what I give him, but I hope I give him something in return for all he does for me.
I don't know if Achilles thinks I'm special. I don't know that I'd want to know the answer. I don't know if it's better or worse if he does or doesn't. I know I'm his friend. I know that he gets embarrassed when I make him something for breakfast if I've spent the night in his chambers... Obviously others don't. And I know that he considers me to be one of his "eternal truths".
If I'm one of his "Eternal Truths", then I hope I live up to his standards. Even if he phrases it so harshly, I know he means he knows I'll always be here for him. I want to make sure I am. I know he's harsh on the outside, but I know he cares. I really do. I forget sometimes, and I get angry, but it only takes me a few minutes to remember that.
I don't have eternal truths. I have virtues and my loyalties. None of those will ever change. I believe in honor, and courage. Justice and mercy. Faith, nobility, and hope. I know I will always protect and serve the people I care about. I will always love Jacqueline, I will always take care of my horses......
And Achilles will always be an asshole, but I love him too.
“Love those that hate you, but to love those one hates is impossible." ― Tolstoy
Posted: Aug 24 2015, 05:16 PM
What can I say that hasn't been said a thousand times. What can I say that I haven't said before, in far more eloquent ways? What more can I say about any of it? About her? I love her. Isn't that all that needs to be said?
I suppose I shouldn't say it like that. After all, she is a married woman. I don't want to imply anything that would harm her reputation, and certainly nothing has ever happened between us that would lead to rumors. But I do care for her very deeply, and I have for a very long time.
After all, if she were any other woman I don't think I would have returned to Wonderland. If the Mad Queen was still on the throne I can't say honestly that I would still be in her service. I gave serious thought to simply staying in the Human World once I saw it. I considered fleeing the country altogether, in fact, in favor of France. I wanted to trace back the origins of the stories of Lancelot and King Arthur. After all, that would have been just after she had told me our engagement was through.
I should've mentioned that. We were engaged once. I come from a wealthy, semi-noble bloodline, I was already in the Mad Queen's service, the Mad Queen favored me, so she arranged a marriage between myself and her sister in hopes of spurring her sister's interest in the affairs of the court.
I had no objections. My betrothed was beautiful. Were I not in the Mad Queen's service I would have been married by then through an arrangement of my family's doing so even the 'arranged' part of it was hardly a bother. And in all honesty, who wouldn't want to be engaged to a princess as lovely as Jacqueline?
I was smitten. Completely. I'm fairly certain it was my time with Jacqueline that gained me my charming reputation. I bowed, I kissed her hand, I brought her flowers and trinkets. I hung on her every word more loyally than I did even the royals I served. I never took it beyond that. I was contented enough to worship her that I didn't feel the need to go any further before we were to be married.
Perhaps those are all reasons why she wasn't interested in me. Why she still takes no interest in me. I accepted her reasoning when she told me she was breaking off the engagement- wanting to focus more on the affairs of the court. After all, that was one of the reasons why we were betrothed in the firs place. And so I went to London, read the stories, and tried to be okay with it all.
I wasn't there when Jacqueline took the throne. I was in the human world when the Mad Queen was removed from power. I would have stayed if I hadn't run into Achilles one day as he was returning from a visit with the Mad Queen. He told me Jacqueline was in power and I returned to Wonderland without protest. I swore loyalty to her the same way I swore loyalty to her sister, accepted my old color, and was contented in my role as her servant. It wasn't the same as being affianced, but it was enough.
And she married Maixent. Quite the opposite of me in many ways. Dark, quiet, strong, a mercenary. I was surprised, but not really. After all, I'm weak, loud, dull. I know that. I still know that. I'm the opposite of Achilles, too, but that's why Achilles is her favorite knight. I don't blame her. Achilles is my favorite knight too. He's a good knight, and Maixent is a good king. I try to do my best to serve all three of them.
I wonder sometimes if Jacqueline even thinks about our time together. If she thinks of me as an ex or just as an overly attached knight. I haven't really thought about finding anyone else since then. I had a fling or two, and I have this complicated relationship with Achilles, but I don't think I've stopped and considered finding a new fiancee.... I almost did. I started to court Guinevere. I care very much for her as well. But Achilles told me to back off, so I have.
I don't know that I will find anyone I want to be with. That's okay. As long as I can serve my Queen, King, and country, I'm content. I will be her servant for as long as she will have me, because I still love her, even if she has moved on.
“I know that's what people say-- you'll get over it. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, youll be happy again, never fear. But you won't forget. " ― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Posted: Aug 27 2015, 12:18 PM
Branwen is a beautiful creature, isn't she? Majestic, tenacious, vivacious, even. I don't know how old she would be outside of Wonderland, but I am terrible with ages. Probably around seven or eight in human years. Not young, but far from old, especially for a bloodline as healthy as hers. I owned her parents ages ago, you know? Strapping young stallion for a father and a graceful beauty for a mother, and Branwen inherited the best of both.
I owned them from before. Before I met Alice, before I became a knight at all. Rich family. It was only expected. Maybe that's why I'm more comfortable around horses than Achilles is. We don't really discuss our histories very often but something tell me he doesn't exactly come from the kind of money that leads to riding lessons. I could be wrong, but if you've ever seen him in a saddle you'd agree with me.
I never had a 'job' before being a knight. Not one you would call a job, anyway. Not one I was ever actually paid for or had any responsibilities for. I mostly just learned how to forge my own weapons and armor, customize them to my own designs, and wasted time tinkering with little inventions. Mostly little practical things for myself, in order to be prepared for any occasion. I even made my own special type of saddlebag to carry extra clothes in and protect my lunch while I was riding or keep my clothes dry if it rained. Never anything rivaling the Dodo, of course, but more useful to me.
Becoming a knight wasn't really a grand event. I could ride a horse, I could make weapons and armor, and I fit the look the Queen wanted. She already had her Red Knight, so I became the White. It was incredibly disappointing at first. If I'd know she was in the market for a Red Knight I would have stepped forward sooner! It mattered less over time, of course. Achilles handed the executions in the castle,while I was in the cities on any missions that needed it. We were always very different and had different skills. We fought far more often then than we do now, if you can believe it. I still knocked him flat on his arse off his horse just as often, though. But he was and still is the infantry leader.
Wars happened more often back then as well. Branwen's father was my main mount. He was a damn fine warhorse. Strong and sturdy. He never had any issues carrying me and all my armor. Achilles would complain that I didn't have to walk in all my armor like he did, which was fair when we were marching some distance, but he never accepted my offers to switch places. Not that I ever expected him to. He's very prideful.
I keep trying to teach Achilles how to manage the horses, but it doesn't seem to stick. I think he tunes out when I'm talking. I keep telling him that it's important for him to learn in case I'm not around someday, but he always just rolls his eyes at me. I could trust the Cards to it, I suppose. But Branwen actually does listen to Achilles when he knows what to say to her. She's a smarter 'beast' than he giver her credit for. I want to make sure she's taken care of if I'm away.
She's very dear to me. I've raised her for her entire life. I don't know if I will ever have children, but Branwen is close, and I put my life in her hands all the time. I have to. Fighting is dangerous with lances and spears. We both, Branwen and I, could get very seriously injured on the battlefield. I trust her completely.
I don't have that kind of trust with many things. I don't trust my own judgement very often. I try not to doubt myself, but it is always something that crosses my mind. I don't trust the Cards, but you could brush that off the way Achilles does and call rank. I don't trust the Caterpillar. I know he gives the Queen valuable information but I still have suspicions about him. I don't always trust the King. Don't tell anyone I said that. But he was a mercenary, and he is far too close to the caterpillar for my comfort....
I admire Jacqueline. I would be the first to worship her if she called herself a god. I would have been happy to marry her back then. But I don't know that I trust her. That's a strange thing to say out loud. I fear she may be manipulated, especially by the caterpillar and her husband. I would worry more about Cheshire if there weren't threats closer to home for me to be concerned with.
No. The only ones I trust are Branwen and Achilles. I trust them both with my life. They've both saved me more times than I'd like to count or admit to. Don't tell Achilles I said anything ill of the royals we devote ourselves to. And don't tell him I compared him to a horse, even if it was Branwen. He would kick me across the training pit for all eternity for either of those things.
“All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife. " ― Daniel Boone
Posted: Aug 30 2015, 02:59 AM
[[OOC note: I drew the first one in notepad and Chess decided copying and pasting would screw it all up. So I screengrabbed. the second one I found and wanted to share because DAMN it is glorious. ]]