jacqueline & maixent
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Posted: Aug 30 2015, 04:16 AM
dear god ,
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to know you, to be part of your plan, to show others kindness and hope like you have done my whole life. Followed the hard path in order to find you, to know you. That is all that I ever wanted. It has been such a long road Lord. I thought I saw it again by giving people hope, giving people someone to rely on. But today… today, I feel my faith in your Name shake. Your love and strength has always been so absolute in my life, so pure that it did not know bounds and yet… I find myself in disbelief…
I find myself in disbelief of you.
Lord… why would you do this to me? To show me his beautiful life. To let our paths knit together. The stars to align in such a way that people marvel. I love him. Oh, how I love him Lord.
All I could think about was Blake Everly. Blake Everly was in love. He was in love, in love with me.
And all I can think is about how he was torn from me.
I am not strong enough for this. Why do you test me this way? My heart rots away each morning when I reach for him across the sheets and find him not there. And every night, my mind is filled with twisted and tortured fantasies of the time I receive a call to identify his body. The more I wait the less and less his pillow smells of his shampoo. The more I wait the more and more does the dust collect on his book on our coffee table.
I have read countless scripture. Studied your word. I look for solace in your teachings but I find…none. My soul that once felt warm in your presence has become an ember. I speak your name as if my mouth is filled with sawdust. I cry out, no, I beg for your strength and yet you provide none.
I am afraid you have both abandoned me.
In the name of the father, the son, the holy ghost….